"They had to glue my eyebrow back together because it exploded."

"So I was a grown adult, and I still don’t know why I did this. Call it lizard brain or whatever. I was walking by a big Elephant Ear plant and got the urge to tear off a little piece and put it in my mouth.

You know those things are poisonous? Me neither. It coats your throat and mouth more or less in fiberglass. So I had to call Poison Control and explain the situation. I didn’t have a good reason for doing it, and I still don’t. They didn’t accept that as an answer and thought I was somehow mentally challenged.

I could barely talk because of the dumb situation I put myself in, and then the Poison Control rep thought I had a disability due to my speech. They asked me to put my caretaker on the phone. That was a low point, lmao."

Brain: Isn’t this going to mess you up? ‘Yes. But I can deal with it. And it will be gone after.’

Arms swelled up like a red ogre. All over my face, chest, legs. Almost went blind after not seeking medical help. Finally caved when I started struggling to breathe a couple of weeks later.

It grew back the next year. So I did it again."

"I woke up to loud buzzing next to the bed. It was a bee in the window trying to get out, so I went to open the window, and it was stuck. Usually, a quick pop to the frame gets it back in order, but in my stupor, I straight-up missed the wood and put my hand through the windowpane. Lots of blood."

"I put on the oven mitten, opened the oven to get the food out, and then came the slow realisation of what I’d done when the pain hit me.

I had used protection, and then proceeded to take the food out with the hand that DID NOT have the mitten on!? Good job, brain – protecting my hand from the non-dangerous, room-temperature oven door handle…"

Additional thumbnail credits: NBC, 20th Century Fox