“She had her boyfriend come to work to fight our coworker. Security had to break it up. Her boyfriend lost.”

Warning: This post mentions sexual harassment.

"I also watched a guy complain about a headache, reach into his pocket, and pop a pill. I asked him if it was an Advil, and he said, 'Nah, it's molly.' I really wish he was joking."

"The men broke up because he was pissed off that he was outed (only a few of us knew what really happened), and he never forgave his boyfriend. She never came back, sent someone to pick up her stuff, and we were told she went back to Haiti and entered a convent."

"I'm looking at her, and I'm sure my jaw was on the ground, thinking, 'Girl, you are so full of shit.' But of course, I'd be an asshole if it were actually true, so I let her leave.

Another girl on the team, not even 15 minutes after she left, flounced up to the phone (yes, she flounced), picked up the receiver, and went: 'What? Who's been shot? My daddy? And my brother? And my cousin's roommate? And my pet goldfish?'

She then hung up and started running around the department, much like Tyler Perry as Madea, having a meltdown. She had the entire floor laughing in tears.

I wound up marrying her. It's been 20 years since that night, and my wife still reenacts that scene!"

"He burst out of the room and went straight to HR. A few days later, Gus got a letter from a therapist stating he had a severe panic disorder and that this was a coping mechanism. [Legal legal legal.] Gus was now in a protected class and allowed to work from home. 

Not long after, his performance started slipping. Management and HR called him in for a meeting, and he was fired — not for the bathroom thing, but for performance-related reasons outside his protected status. Gus refused to turn in his badge and bolted.

Security — who looked like the embodiment of Paul Blart — chased him outside near the decorative retention pond. It was goose egg season, and they ran past an active nest. 

A male goose started hissing and flapping, trying to protect it. Gus slipped on the grass. Blart tried to grab him, but the angry goose was in full pursuit and began...beaking them? Blart had to pepper-spray the goose. By that point, we were all at the windows watching. HR called the police. They took Gus away. 

"It is a funny story now, but at the time, I was mortified. She was taller and stronger than me. That was really the crowning jewel of months of these sorts of things."

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE, which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.